Romance Scams: Warning Signs and What To Do

It is a painful and confusing experience to realize the man you have feelings for might not be real. You are not alone in this. Romance scams are very common, and the people who run them are professional criminals who are experts at sounding sincere.

This is not your fault. These men are trained to build trust and play on your emotions. My goal here is to give you clear, practical information about the warning signs and what to do. The most important thing to know is that a real man looking for a wife will never ask you for money.

The Early Warning Signs

Scammers often create profiles that seem perfect. They use photos of a very handsome man, often a model or a successful professional. Common fake jobs include being an engineer on an oil rig, a doctor working for an international organization, or a soldier deployed overseas. These jobs are chosen because they provide a good excuse for why he cannot meet you in person.

He will tell you he loves you very quickly, sometimes within days. He may call you his queen, his destiny, or his future wife. This is called love bombing. It is a technique to make you feel special and emotionally attached before you have had time to think clearly. He will also insist on moving your conversation away from the dating website or app, asking for your number to talk on WhatsApp or Telegram. He does this to get you away from the platform's security team, who might otherwise detect his scam and delete his profile.

The Story Becomes a Crisis

After a few weeks or even months of talking every day, a sudden crisis will appear. The scammer has spent this time building your trust, learning about your life, and making you feel like you are in a real relationship. The crisis is the reason he needs your help, and specifically, your money.

The story will be dramatic and urgent. It is designed to make you feel sorry for him and panicked enough to help without thinking. It will always include a reason why he cannot access his own money. He might say his bank account is frozen for a security check, or that he is in a location where he cannot get to a bank. This is the core of the scam.

Common Excuses for Needing Money

While the details can change, the types of emergencies are often very similar. A man who asks for money using one of these stories is almost certainly a scammer.

• A medical emergency. He or his child is in a terrible accident and he needs money for hospital bills.
• A problem with travel. He is trapped in another country (often for work) and needs to pay a fee to get his passport back, or he needs to buy a last minute flight to come see you.
• A business deal gone wrong. He needs a small loan to pay a fee that will unlock a very large payment. He will promise to pay you back double or triple what you send.
• Military service issues. He is a soldier and needs you to send money so he can buy a special phone to talk to you, or pay for a leave permit to visit you. Militaries do not charge soldiers for these things.
• Customs and delivery fees. He says he has sent you an expensive gift, like jewelry, a laptop, or even cash. You then get a message from a fake shipping company saying you must pay an import tax or customs fee before it can be delivered. The package does not exist.

Why They Never Video Call

A real man who is interested in you will want to see you. He will be excited to video call. A scammer cannot, because he is using someone else's photos. A live video call would immediately expose that he is not the man in the pictures.

He will have many excuses. He might say his phone camera is broken. He might claim his internet connection is too poor where he is, for example on an oil rig. He might say that for security reasons, his work as a soldier or contractor does not allow video calls. One of these excuses might seem believable for a day, but not for weeks or months. If a man constantly refuses to show you his face in a live video chat, he is hiding his identity.

How They Ask for Money

The request for money will be very specific. It might start with a small amount, like $150, to see if you are willing to pay. If you send it, another, bigger crisis will happen soon after. The requests will continue and grow as long as you keep paying.

He will give you precise instructions on how to send the money. Scammers prefer methods that are fast, anonymous, and almost impossible to get back. This includes wire transfers like Western Union or MoneyGram, gift cards (like from Apple, Google Play, or Steam), or cryptocurrency like Bitcoin. If anyone asks you to send them money using these methods, it is a scam.

What To Do If You Suspect a Scam

If your stomach tells you something is wrong, listen to it. Stop all communication immediately. Do not argue with him or tell him you know he is a scammer. This can sometimes make them angry and aggressive. Just block his number and all of his social media profiles.

Do not send money, ever. If you feel confused or pressured, take a step back and talk to someone you trust, like a close friend or family member. Show them the messages and explain the situation. Getting an outside opinion can help you see the truth. You can also do a reverse image search on his photos using Google Images. You will often find the photos are stolen from the social media profile of an innocent man.

If You Have Already Sent Money

Realizing you have been scammed is a terrible feeling. Many women feel ashamed or embarrassed, but you have been the victim of a crime. The first thing you must do is stop blaming yourself and take practical steps.

Report the scam everywhere you can. Contact your bank or the wire transfer service immediately. It is difficult to get money back, but it is important to report it. Report his profile to the dating site or social media app where you met. This can get his profile removed and protect other women. Finally, report the crime to your local police. In the UK, you can report to Action Fraud. In the US, you can report to the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3). Give them all the information you have, including his profile names, email addresses, and any payment details.

Most importantly, tell someone what happened. The shame and secrecy are what allow these criminals to keep hurting people. Talking about it is the first step to healing, and it takes away the power they have over you.

Finding a Real Connection Safely

Finding a good man abroad is absolutely possible, but it must be done with great care. Scammers have made many public dating sites feel unsafe. This is why services like ours exist, to create a private, verified network for people who are serious about marriage.

At Velora, we do the screening for you. Every man is interviewed by a real person and his identity is verified. There are no fake profiles because there are no public profiles to browse. We make introductions carefully and deliberately.

If you are a woman who is serious about finding a settled foreign husband, this is a much safer path. You can apply to be considered for our membership at no cost. We are here to help you find a real connection, with a real person.